Oh my goodness! The world is such a scary place.
There are monsters around every corner.
Oh no they are just in my mind. Am I going mad?
Why are we so scared of getting on with our lives? Why do we let every one of our actions be guided by what others may think?
I have an internal dialogue going on constantly when I forget who I am.
I am amazing.
And yet my experiences in child hood would refute that truth.
The conditioning we receive as children stands us in good stead for the rest of our lives.
That is not true.
We have the potential to rewrite our life scripts. We can become who we truly are.
The question is DARE WE TAKE THAT RISK?
If we are able to relax down into our bodies and feel the truly amazing things that go on within the body then we can get to know ourselves.
Whilst we stay in our minds and intellectualise everything we do, we will never know ourselves.
Our minds will not allow this to happen easily. Our mind will fight to keep control. It is an amazing piece of kit but it is not who we are.
Our bodies function in the NOW and by staying in our bodies we can also be NOW.
Our mind wants us to use future predictions to manage us. We can't do this because ......will happen.
If we stay in the now and our friends family are there as well then a truly honest transaction will occur.
It is what it is.
Of course I am completely in the now? No I am not however I aspire to be so. And by being conscious of that aspiration I can stay more present more often.
I have just returned from staffing the NWTA with the Mankind Project UK.
I attended my warrior training last year and found a fundamental shift in my way of being and so as a staff man I wanted to facilitate that for other men. WOW not only did I experience the growth in the men on training but also the process brought me gifts of growth.
There were 40 staff men on the weekend with varying degrees of experience and ages. Although this is not a therapeutic experience per se, it does bring up emotional stuff to work with.
I found the gathering of men so supportive and emotionally connecting. I felt cared for and challenged to be all of me.....authentic and aware. And over the course of the 4 days I found a deep sense of acceptance from the men and not only that but I found through this the capacity to accept myself.
I became aware that I like who I am and can be all of me and it's ok. In fact better than ok.
This is a massive shift for me. I feel more grounded and able to walk my space and feel very present.
I would recommend the Mankind Project to any man who feels disconnected with himself. The experience can be life changing.
Friday 5 December 2014
Saturday 11 October 2014
Mental Health
The subject of Mental Health is massive. We have thousands of our people walking the streets with varying degrees of need for help.
How as a society do we see people with a mental health issue?
I don't believe the stigma is as it was but it still holds fear for many people.
As a nation we loose many hours of working productivity to mental health issues.
We have many deaths due to mental health related issues; suicide, murder, abuse, rape, alcoholism. All addictions can have a basis in mental health.
It feels as if there is something preventing both the will to provide and meet the demand, and the necessary funding to provide the service.
I suppose in this capitalistic society we have at present.......each of us is supposed to meet our own needs.
For me this is outdated.
Our society is so divided between have and have nots.
The have can afford private therapy.
The have nots can only have what the NHS is able or chooses to provide.
We also do not need NICE to tell us what is good for us. One size of therapy does not fit all.
Why do we think this is OK?
I have a degree in Humanisitc Counselling and I have trained in voluntary placements as part of my qualifications. I have a very small private practice which doesn't provide me with sufficient income to meet my families needs which means that I also work as a professional gardener to provide the main financial support.
I want to have more clients and do more work in service to my community. I don't want to be rich, I want to earn enough to meet my families needs.
I would love to be part of a community of counsellors and allied therapists who want to serve the human not take from it.
I loved the speech to the UN by Emma Watson. True gender equality is a need not a luxury and possibly allied to this is the way to engage people in taking care of their mental health.
At present many men are reliant on their partners to tell them when they need help. We need both genders to meet each other in a wholly adult way. Support and cherish each other and truly hear each other.
How as a society do we see people with a mental health issue?
I don't believe the stigma is as it was but it still holds fear for many people.
As a nation we loose many hours of working productivity to mental health issues.
We have many deaths due to mental health related issues; suicide, murder, abuse, rape, alcoholism. All addictions can have a basis in mental health.
It feels as if there is something preventing both the will to provide and meet the demand, and the necessary funding to provide the service.
I suppose in this capitalistic society we have at present.......each of us is supposed to meet our own needs.
For me this is outdated.
Our society is so divided between have and have nots.
The have can afford private therapy.
The have nots can only have what the NHS is able or chooses to provide.
We also do not need NICE to tell us what is good for us. One size of therapy does not fit all.
Why do we think this is OK?
I have a degree in Humanisitc Counselling and I have trained in voluntary placements as part of my qualifications. I have a very small private practice which doesn't provide me with sufficient income to meet my families needs which means that I also work as a professional gardener to provide the main financial support.
I want to have more clients and do more work in service to my community. I don't want to be rich, I want to earn enough to meet my families needs.
I would love to be part of a community of counsellors and allied therapists who want to serve the human not take from it.
I loved the speech to the UN by Emma Watson. True gender equality is a need not a luxury and possibly allied to this is the way to engage people in taking care of their mental health.
At present many men are reliant on their partners to tell them when they need help. We need both genders to meet each other in a wholly adult way. Support and cherish each other and truly hear each other.
Monday 29 September 2014
Shifting an old blockage and recognising its previous usefulness.
I work as a Professional horticulturist or Gardener to you and me. This summer has been a hard one in terms of work load. I have never been one to shirk work and always give the best of me and often too much of me.
I have come to realise that , in the process of working hard, I loose myself in the doing and forget to connect to myself on a spiritual dimension. Forgetting to nurture myself and therefore , over time, depleting my spiritual batteries.
And so what can happen is that I do. Not I am. And in that my family relationships suffer the loss of me.
I realise that this is the modern work life balance issue. Somehow out of awareness I have through financial necessity got lost in the doing work.
I visited my Homeopath a couple of weeks ago to get a check up and see about getting back in balance and curiously after one of the remedies my body simply refused to move. I ached from head to toe and I had no inclination to move and spent 2 days in bed. On the third day I feel tired but the symptoms as much less and spiritually I feel much lifted. It feels as though an old pattern of behaviour has been moved or unblocked.
Almost as if my White Knight has taken his armour off and is in the process of retirement.
Who am I trying to prove myself to?
I know this is my personal journey but I do wonder how many other men are in the same sort of pattern. How can these patterns be brought into their awareness? Who is out there to show the way?
I have come to realise that , in the process of working hard, I loose myself in the doing and forget to connect to myself on a spiritual dimension. Forgetting to nurture myself and therefore , over time, depleting my spiritual batteries.
And so what can happen is that I do. Not I am. And in that my family relationships suffer the loss of me.
I realise that this is the modern work life balance issue. Somehow out of awareness I have through financial necessity got lost in the doing work.
I visited my Homeopath a couple of weeks ago to get a check up and see about getting back in balance and curiously after one of the remedies my body simply refused to move. I ached from head to toe and I had no inclination to move and spent 2 days in bed. On the third day I feel tired but the symptoms as much less and spiritually I feel much lifted. It feels as though an old pattern of behaviour has been moved or unblocked.
Almost as if my White Knight has taken his armour off and is in the process of retirement.
Who am I trying to prove myself to?
I know this is my personal journey but I do wonder how many other men are in the same sort of pattern. How can these patterns be brought into their awareness? Who is out there to show the way?
Thursday 28 August 2014
Wild man talking: Out of our heads
Wild man talking: Out of our heads: I have been Facebooking for while now and have drawn some interesting conclusions.....mine and not yours. But if you share them then say...
Out of our heads
I have been Facebooking for while now and have drawn some interesting conclusions.....mine and not yours. But if you share them then say so.
When I read some political or financial postings, there is usually postings about the rights and wrongs of what is stated. Sometimes quite powerful positions are taken. And yet when something spiritual is posted there may be the odd comment or two.
It feels to me that when issues arise that focus the mind and present logical or illogical argument then that is when the human and it seems mainly men become animated and enthused.
I feel that this is a great place to air our views and could be a great place for a groundswell of opposition to what we feel are injustices. Where does the energy of opposition go? Simply exorcised in the written word? Is that enough or an avoidance? A safe place to speak yet not act.
Yet for me facebook seems a very heady place. Heart and soul work seems to have little place in this medium.
Where do we express our inner world? Is it safer to have a heady opinion and keep our vulnerabilities to more intimate one-to-one contact?
Yet the whole purpose of facebook is seemingly to replace intimacy. We are no longer truly connected.
I guess facebook is a place to arrange meet ups but do they happen.
Staying connected is great but not at the expense of true connection.
When I read some political or financial postings, there is usually postings about the rights and wrongs of what is stated. Sometimes quite powerful positions are taken. And yet when something spiritual is posted there may be the odd comment or two.
It feels to me that when issues arise that focus the mind and present logical or illogical argument then that is when the human and it seems mainly men become animated and enthused.
I feel that this is a great place to air our views and could be a great place for a groundswell of opposition to what we feel are injustices. Where does the energy of opposition go? Simply exorcised in the written word? Is that enough or an avoidance? A safe place to speak yet not act.
Yet for me facebook seems a very heady place. Heart and soul work seems to have little place in this medium.
Where do we express our inner world? Is it safer to have a heady opinion and keep our vulnerabilities to more intimate one-to-one contact?
Yet the whole purpose of facebook is seemingly to replace intimacy. We are no longer truly connected.
I guess facebook is a place to arrange meet ups but do they happen.
Staying connected is great but not at the expense of true connection.
Friday 22 August 2014
Wild man talking: connecting to our amazing self
Wild man talking: connecting to our amazing self: I am still trying to come to terms with the death of Robin Williams. I cant believe that he is dead. He seems to have been part of...
connecting to our amazing self
I am still trying to come to terms with the death of Robin Williams. I cant believe that he is dead. He seems to have been part of my life for ever. I have always looked forward to his next brilliant piece of work.
I find myself feeling tearful and a little lost. It feels like a part of me is lost with him. This man touched my life with his crazy, vulnerability. He was able to show all of himself to the world without the world realising it. He was a true great. I guess this is part of the human condition......when we show ourselves and our amazing capabilities we also seem to share our vulnerable side as well.
You know what? Why can't a man be both amazing and vulnerable? We can't be the white knight for all our lives, can we? And yet in showing my vulnerabilities I end up feeling too exposed and uncertain what others may think of me.
Sometimes I feel so amazing and capable of absolutely anything and for those moments I feel so whole and more than. When I see others in their moments I feel so connected. We humans are so fantastic, amazing, full of gold. We need to shine more often. Let us be all that we can be......we owe it to ourselves and the rest of humanity.
I find myself feeling tearful and a little lost. It feels like a part of me is lost with him. This man touched my life with his crazy, vulnerability. He was able to show all of himself to the world without the world realising it. He was a true great. I guess this is part of the human condition......when we show ourselves and our amazing capabilities we also seem to share our vulnerable side as well.
You know what? Why can't a man be both amazing and vulnerable? We can't be the white knight for all our lives, can we? And yet in showing my vulnerabilities I end up feeling too exposed and uncertain what others may think of me.
Sometimes I feel so amazing and capable of absolutely anything and for those moments I feel so whole and more than. When I see others in their moments I feel so connected. We humans are so fantastic, amazing, full of gold. We need to shine more often. Let us be all that we can be......we owe it to ourselves and the rest of humanity.
Sunday 6 July 2014
Holding men to account
Whoa......this is a biggy. During my trainings I learnt how to hold myself to account for any broken agreements either with other men or with myself.
This has been more challenging than I first felt. Not only do I have to consider what I am prepared to commit to doing but I also have to not simply apologise if I fail to keep my agreement but I also have to speak about what I found more important than honouring my agreement. This keeps commitment and agreement not only real but very live. Also the challenge is not to hide from agreements but to throw myself into them and stretch myself with accountability issues where relevant.
When I am with my male friends within the mens circles I feel so connected and also very challenged.....almost as if they can see into my soul and my darkest corners. And yet all my darkness and vulnerabilities are welcome within the circle. Once men have this way of being then trust becomes less of a problem.
I feel this way of being helps to keep me honest and in integrity. Maybe if we could be like this as people of the world there would be less 'problems' as all responsibilities would be taken for any actions.
I now bring that way of being into my life fully and it has improved all my relationships especially with my partner and her two sons.......Much more healthy.
This has been more challenging than I first felt. Not only do I have to consider what I am prepared to commit to doing but I also have to not simply apologise if I fail to keep my agreement but I also have to speak about what I found more important than honouring my agreement. This keeps commitment and agreement not only real but very live. Also the challenge is not to hide from agreements but to throw myself into them and stretch myself with accountability issues where relevant.
When I am with my male friends within the mens circles I feel so connected and also very challenged.....almost as if they can see into my soul and my darkest corners. And yet all my darkness and vulnerabilities are welcome within the circle. Once men have this way of being then trust becomes less of a problem.
I feel this way of being helps to keep me honest and in integrity. Maybe if we could be like this as people of the world there would be less 'problems' as all responsibilities would be taken for any actions.
I now bring that way of being into my life fully and it has improved all my relationships especially with my partner and her two sons.......Much more healthy.
Sunday 1 June 2014
Mature masculine archetypes
I have just returned from a 'guts' workshop; working with the masculine archetypes. Diving down deep into my own psyche swimming around and finding much work to do.
I camped overnight outside Bradford on Avon. What a beautiful town and countryside. History lives well in this area. Ancestral energies abound. The camping was enjoyable being among nature in all its forms. I had the joys of snorers, farters and sleep talkers and shouters.......oh the joys of the human condition!
However waking with the birds on a beautiful day set me up for the work I needed to do.
The workshop was part of the work MKP uk offer. A chance for men to get a sense of who they are and how they would like to be in the world. How to work towards a more mature masculine way of being. this work is valuable to the whole community and I would recommend it to anyone who is impacted by immature aspects of masculinity.
I am feeling calm, tired, thoughtful and an inner sense of joy, sadness and willingness to integrate the work I have done.
I also met with some men who are all on their own journey and we shared our stories, our vulnerabilities and our humanity. What a joy
I camped overnight outside Bradford on Avon. What a beautiful town and countryside. History lives well in this area. Ancestral energies abound. The camping was enjoyable being among nature in all its forms. I had the joys of snorers, farters and sleep talkers and shouters.......oh the joys of the human condition!
However waking with the birds on a beautiful day set me up for the work I needed to do.
The workshop was part of the work MKP uk offer. A chance for men to get a sense of who they are and how they would like to be in the world. How to work towards a more mature masculine way of being. this work is valuable to the whole community and I would recommend it to anyone who is impacted by immature aspects of masculinity.
I am feeling calm, tired, thoughtful and an inner sense of joy, sadness and willingness to integrate the work I have done.
I also met with some men who are all on their own journey and we shared our stories, our vulnerabilities and our humanity. What a joy
Sunday 25 May 2014
Loving your child within.
Sitting here on a rainy lazy Sunday feeling a mellow sense of joy. I had the pleasure, earlier in the week, of meeting up with a good friend and doing some work on our inner children. I have spent a lot of my live being ashamed of my own inner boy. I felt he was weak, ugly, unloveable and many other negative pictures. I felt held back by him and ashamed that he was part of me.
How could I acknowledge that he was me and not crumble into that aspect of me which I considered irrelevant as an 'adult'.
Over the years of therapy, inner work and personal development I have enjoyed a relationship with my child. I have held his hand, looked into his eyes and told him I love him. He is much more trusting now and feels able to be in the world as the beautiful person he is.
I realise that the child within is not a separate being and I also know he is me. However the work and patience and time it has taken for me to accept who I am (who he is) has been challenging and a mystery.
I will never reject him nor abandon him again. We are one.......me
How could I acknowledge that he was me and not crumble into that aspect of me which I considered irrelevant as an 'adult'.
Over the years of therapy, inner work and personal development I have enjoyed a relationship with my child. I have held his hand, looked into his eyes and told him I love him. He is much more trusting now and feels able to be in the world as the beautiful person he is.
I realise that the child within is not a separate being and I also know he is me. However the work and patience and time it has taken for me to accept who I am (who he is) has been challenging and a mystery.
I will never reject him nor abandon him again. We are one.......me
Tuesday 20 May 2014
Wild man talking: We all need a pat on the back sometime.
Wild man talking: We all need a pat on the back sometime.: I have come to a really important realisation.........who are we if we don't get affirmation from family and friends? Due to my history...
We all need a pat on the back sometime.
I have come to a really important realisation.........who are we if we don't get affirmation from family and friends?
Due to my history I have no-one alive in my family who knows me. All my relatives are dead and the older family friends are also no longer here. So I have no long term shared history to place me in the world historically.
A pat on the back is a validation that we are ok. It gives us a sense of who we are and where we fit.
I have decided to have a ceremony at some point this year which will be to forgive my birth mum for giving me up for adoption, to celebrate the joy of being born, and to have an older male to give me the pat on the back for being who I am.
Unconditional positive regard also known as LOVE is so important to us all. It tells us that we are ok and not the bad guy we think we are. We are LOVEABLE.
The emotional work that I am doing with mens groups and MKP is helping me to feel grounded and fully present in the world. I feel that mens recognition of who I am is vitally important to me. I may not know my Birth Father and may never know him but if other men hold me in their hearts then that may be enough.
I feel blessed to know and have men in my life who have good loving hearts.
The world is a better place for these men.
Due to my history I have no-one alive in my family who knows me. All my relatives are dead and the older family friends are also no longer here. So I have no long term shared history to place me in the world historically.
A pat on the back is a validation that we are ok. It gives us a sense of who we are and where we fit.
I have decided to have a ceremony at some point this year which will be to forgive my birth mum for giving me up for adoption, to celebrate the joy of being born, and to have an older male to give me the pat on the back for being who I am.
Unconditional positive regard also known as LOVE is so important to us all. It tells us that we are ok and not the bad guy we think we are. We are LOVEABLE.
The emotional work that I am doing with mens groups and MKP is helping me to feel grounded and fully present in the world. I feel that mens recognition of who I am is vitally important to me. I may not know my Birth Father and may never know him but if other men hold me in their hearts then that may be enough.
I feel blessed to know and have men in my life who have good loving hearts.
The world is a better place for these men.
Saturday 3 May 2014
Feeling male
I have just had a great re-connection with male energies, both mine and others men. I have attended an igroup meeting along with fellow warriors from the MKP brotherhood. During our initiation weekend we were challenged to be more honest, both with ourselves and others. To operate in this world with integrity and to challenge our fears and to be of service.
I have been working with these challenges since the warrior training, but I have found that if I am away from this male energy for too long then the challenges become harder to meet. I know now that I need to be around these energies more often and therefore be challenged by fellow warriors in order to keep me honest and strong.
When I awoke this morning I enjoyed the beauty of the day and set forth in my day with joy and I found some secret energy. Yeehaa
I realise that I need a balance in my life in order to find the balance within myself.
I seem to go into caring and it is the caring which exhausts me. It like I can do it for so long and then my exhaustion closes me down and I can care for no-one, even myself. Almost as if my caring is in order to meet some deep seated need within me and when that need is unmet then I stop and withdraw.
I wonder if somehow I mix being of service and caring up? I want to learn how to be of service and yet fully myself in adult behaviour.
I feel that there are depths of honesty and it is fear that holds me from being deeply honest in asking for my needs to be met. An intrinsic fear of refusal/abandonment. Am I good enough to be able to ask for my need to be met?
This is a process of on going work which, I feel, can be helped by these interactions with truly honest men.
They call me to account and hold me responsible.
I have been working with these challenges since the warrior training, but I have found that if I am away from this male energy for too long then the challenges become harder to meet. I know now that I need to be around these energies more often and therefore be challenged by fellow warriors in order to keep me honest and strong.
When I awoke this morning I enjoyed the beauty of the day and set forth in my day with joy and I found some secret energy. Yeehaa
I realise that I need a balance in my life in order to find the balance within myself.
I seem to go into caring and it is the caring which exhausts me. It like I can do it for so long and then my exhaustion closes me down and I can care for no-one, even myself. Almost as if my caring is in order to meet some deep seated need within me and when that need is unmet then I stop and withdraw.
I wonder if somehow I mix being of service and caring up? I want to learn how to be of service and yet fully myself in adult behaviour.
I feel that there are depths of honesty and it is fear that holds me from being deeply honest in asking for my needs to be met. An intrinsic fear of refusal/abandonment. Am I good enough to be able to ask for my need to be met?
This is a process of on going work which, I feel, can be helped by these interactions with truly honest men.
They call me to account and hold me responsible.
Sunday 20 April 2014
Wild man talking: Writers block
Wild man talking: Writers block: I have been struggling to write for the last few weeks. I have felt like there were lots of words around but I wasn't able to form them ...
Writers block
I have been struggling to write for the last few weeks. I have felt like there were lots of words around but I wasn't able to form them into a cohesive text.
I have been struggling with the spring energies taking me over. Like an energy which is linked not to intellect but to times past when work had to be done quickly to ready the earth for planting. Seed sowing both for human future and for survival. Focus on ancestral energies of a time before the Industrial Revolution, when lives were maybe harder but somewhat less complicated and more heartfelt.
So the tension of modern man and his head work, tangling with the nature of ancestral manual man. Oh for times past.
As I grow older my actual ability to meet the energy needs of spring have begun to reduce and yet the younger men are unavailable to community....I fear for the survival of our species.
Men need to be available to community, family and themselves in order to connect to Father Earth.
Calling all men........dare to connect with both themselves and the younger men and ask them to participate in LIFE.
I have been struggling with the spring energies taking me over. Like an energy which is linked not to intellect but to times past when work had to be done quickly to ready the earth for planting. Seed sowing both for human future and for survival. Focus on ancestral energies of a time before the Industrial Revolution, when lives were maybe harder but somewhat less complicated and more heartfelt.
So the tension of modern man and his head work, tangling with the nature of ancestral manual man. Oh for times past.
As I grow older my actual ability to meet the energy needs of spring have begun to reduce and yet the younger men are unavailable to community....I fear for the survival of our species.
Men need to be available to community, family and themselves in order to connect to Father Earth.
Calling all men........dare to connect with both themselves and the younger men and ask them to participate in LIFE.
Wednesday 26 March 2014
So why is it so hard to put food on the table and pay the bills?
I was physically unable to work for the months of November and December and the fallout has been immense. Being self employed has its ups and downs and this period was financially a down but emotionally an up.
I took the time to get to know myself better and to study the face in the mirror.......I like my reflection and feel happy to be me.
I am back to work full time with all this beautiful weather assisting me. Spring is bursting out all over and it is great.
However in the 2 months of layoff my finances took quite a hit.
I have now the joy of trying to balance my bank accounts daily to pay bills and I am struggling.
I really am the duck who looks serene on the surface but is paddling like hell to keep up. I am finding myself working hard and being very tired from my efforts but not moving forward monetarily. I am feeling lonely in this place and its hard.
I am fully committed to my family and me and wish I had the energy of youth.
The Government is saying that the economy is improving and signs of green shoots are true........so why is it so bloody hard to put food on the table and to pay the bills?
If intent were a commodity I would be rich but.....
Something has to change.
My warrior will not be broken.
How do we create a community of mature adults who have the skills to bring about our own silent revolution?
I took the time to get to know myself better and to study the face in the mirror.......I like my reflection and feel happy to be me.
I am back to work full time with all this beautiful weather assisting me. Spring is bursting out all over and it is great.
However in the 2 months of layoff my finances took quite a hit.
I have now the joy of trying to balance my bank accounts daily to pay bills and I am struggling.
I really am the duck who looks serene on the surface but is paddling like hell to keep up. I am finding myself working hard and being very tired from my efforts but not moving forward monetarily. I am feeling lonely in this place and its hard.
I am fully committed to my family and me and wish I had the energy of youth.
The Government is saying that the economy is improving and signs of green shoots are true........so why is it so bloody hard to put food on the table and to pay the bills?
If intent were a commodity I would be rich but.....
Something has to change.
My warrior will not be broken.
How do we create a community of mature adults who have the skills to bring about our own silent revolution?
Friday 21 March 2014
changing reactions to positive actions
I have been struggling with the ups and downs of life.
Work life balance, financial shortfalls, relationships.
As I work on being more present, aware, open, I find that old default positions don't work any more. How I dealt with things in the past now don't fit for me and so I have had to reposition my responses.
I have tried new responses and I am happy with how things are going. I feel more mature, more available and aware. More alive.........
I have just read a posting by the Mankind Project which talks about Intentional Awareness and I really love the concept.
During my counselling training, the relationship was highlighted as the factor for change with our clients. I am finding this to be continually true. Not simply with clients but in life itself.
I suppose the challenge is, that when someone reflects back to me my behavior particularly my partner, I have a choice as to whether to meet the challenge or ignore it. Life never seems to be stable/normal when I accept the challenge to change.
To be fully present and aware is thrilling, life enhancing but also tiring. Phew!
Work life balance, financial shortfalls, relationships.
As I work on being more present, aware, open, I find that old default positions don't work any more. How I dealt with things in the past now don't fit for me and so I have had to reposition my responses.
I have tried new responses and I am happy with how things are going. I feel more mature, more available and aware. More alive.........
I have just read a posting by the Mankind Project which talks about Intentional Awareness and I really love the concept.
During my counselling training, the relationship was highlighted as the factor for change with our clients. I am finding this to be continually true. Not simply with clients but in life itself.
I suppose the challenge is, that when someone reflects back to me my behavior particularly my partner, I have a choice as to whether to meet the challenge or ignore it. Life never seems to be stable/normal when I accept the challenge to change.
To be fully present and aware is thrilling, life enhancing but also tiring. Phew!
Sunday 16 March 2014
Wild man talking: The toxicity of immaturity
Wild man talking: The toxicity of immaturity: Quite a heavy title and I am sorry if it is off putting but when adults conduct themselves as children in the world of parenting then the ou...
The toxicity of immaturity
Quite a heavy title and I am sorry if it is off putting but when adults conduct themselves as children in the world of parenting then the outcome can be pretty toxic for all involved.
Sexual abuse, Physical abuse, Psychological abuse, Rage can all be psychologically immature responses in life. I appreciate that there may also be mental health issues which will also impact and hopefully help can be found for those with additional mental health issues.
As I have shared previously.....my baby rage has had a lasting effect on me throughout my life in terms of poor relationships with lovers, family and friends. Not engaging as an adult until recently has cost me dearly.
In fact I believe that had I not done some deep emotional work to clear my baby rage, as I now know it to be, then my current relationship would have ended.
So, how do we interrupt this ancestral cycle of immature parenting?
Somehow as a society we have to acknowledge the issue and introduce emotional intelligence as a subject into education. Self awareness, mindfulness, and other therapeutic interventions need to be given space and time.
I realise that this idea may not have an immediate and obvious impact and be measurable in terms of educational qualifications but with time and commitment we may well help to create a more wholesome society.
The idea of a Big Society is a sound one if it weren't based on capitalistic ideals. It all about relationships both with ourselves and others.
There is an organisation...Place 2 Be which is heavily involved in school therapeutic services. I believe we need more involvement both through professionals and also the elders of our society. Where are the wise men and women who can help to heal the past and shape the future?
We as the grownups need to begin to live life in the now and work to shed the impact of our past which shades the way we live.
Sexual abuse, Physical abuse, Psychological abuse, Rage can all be psychologically immature responses in life. I appreciate that there may also be mental health issues which will also impact and hopefully help can be found for those with additional mental health issues.
As I have shared previously.....my baby rage has had a lasting effect on me throughout my life in terms of poor relationships with lovers, family and friends. Not engaging as an adult until recently has cost me dearly.
In fact I believe that had I not done some deep emotional work to clear my baby rage, as I now know it to be, then my current relationship would have ended.
So, how do we interrupt this ancestral cycle of immature parenting?
Somehow as a society we have to acknowledge the issue and introduce emotional intelligence as a subject into education. Self awareness, mindfulness, and other therapeutic interventions need to be given space and time.
I realise that this idea may not have an immediate and obvious impact and be measurable in terms of educational qualifications but with time and commitment we may well help to create a more wholesome society.
The idea of a Big Society is a sound one if it weren't based on capitalistic ideals. It all about relationships both with ourselves and others.
There is an organisation...Place 2 Be which is heavily involved in school therapeutic services. I believe we need more involvement both through professionals and also the elders of our society. Where are the wise men and women who can help to heal the past and shape the future?
We as the grownups need to begin to live life in the now and work to shed the impact of our past which shades the way we live.
Friday 28 February 2014
So what is Father Food ?
Can you feel it?
Can you see it?
How do you know it is there?
Father food is soul food, nourishment at a deep deep level.
If we are lucky then our fathers can give such a special gift to our lives.
We as Fathers can help to nurture us into whole, well rounded, fully living human beings and no matter what the popular press and media state as truth. Dads really do matter.
Unfortunately because the dads of the 1950's were pretty absent in terms of availability and capability: the generations that have followed have compounded the problem and now our lives are poisoned by the toxicity of immaturity.
I cannot speak for the women of the world save that young girls need mature fathers to aid their growth in the world.
When a child has a mature loving Father alongside a mature loving Mother, he or she will have a working example of how men and women can be.
The daughters will know the qualities to look for in a man and follow the examples of her Mother and be able to form true relationships in life.
The sons will not only see how it is to be a mature man but also receive something truly special......Father Food.
There is almost a process of osmosis when men and boys work and play or are in the company of each other. Securely knowing that the older man loves, cherishes and respects the boy allows the boy to honestly be who he is. Without the criticism, shaming and violent reactions from a wounded immature man, the boy will flourish.
As it is impossible to verbalise what we receive from a mature Mother from conception, it is equally impossible to to express that which we receive from a mature Father.
This is an aspect for me still to work on in my own development. My life has been governed by the actions of my birth mother and her giving me up for adoption and I feel at peace with my resolution around this. However I have no knowledge of who my Father is. All the information on the adoption paperwork is untrue. My Mother lied.
I have spent my life trying to find her and no time at all in considering who he is. I may never know but I know I will need to address the loss fully to move on.
The challenge moving forward is .....How do we as a Society facilitate the true maturing of our men and women.
Is this to be a silent revolution or does it need to be loudly acclaimed as a long term Goal?
Can you see it?
How do you know it is there?
Father food is soul food, nourishment at a deep deep level.
If we are lucky then our fathers can give such a special gift to our lives.
We as Fathers can help to nurture us into whole, well rounded, fully living human beings and no matter what the popular press and media state as truth. Dads really do matter.
Unfortunately because the dads of the 1950's were pretty absent in terms of availability and capability: the generations that have followed have compounded the problem and now our lives are poisoned by the toxicity of immaturity.
I cannot speak for the women of the world save that young girls need mature fathers to aid their growth in the world.
When a child has a mature loving Father alongside a mature loving Mother, he or she will have a working example of how men and women can be.
The daughters will know the qualities to look for in a man and follow the examples of her Mother and be able to form true relationships in life.
The sons will not only see how it is to be a mature man but also receive something truly special......Father Food.
There is almost a process of osmosis when men and boys work and play or are in the company of each other. Securely knowing that the older man loves, cherishes and respects the boy allows the boy to honestly be who he is. Without the criticism, shaming and violent reactions from a wounded immature man, the boy will flourish.
As it is impossible to verbalise what we receive from a mature Mother from conception, it is equally impossible to to express that which we receive from a mature Father.
This is an aspect for me still to work on in my own development. My life has been governed by the actions of my birth mother and her giving me up for adoption and I feel at peace with my resolution around this. However I have no knowledge of who my Father is. All the information on the adoption paperwork is untrue. My Mother lied.
I have spent my life trying to find her and no time at all in considering who he is. I may never know but I know I will need to address the loss fully to move on.
The challenge moving forward is .....How do we as a Society facilitate the true maturing of our men and women.
Is this to be a silent revolution or does it need to be loudly acclaimed as a long term Goal?
Sunday 23 February 2014
Wild man talking: Father Food
Wild man talking: Father Food: I have been re-reading IRON JOHN by Robert Bly; refreshing my feelings about fathers, men, boys and then leading to the female side of my wo...
Father Food
I have been re-reading IRON JOHN by Robert Bly; refreshing my feelings about fathers, men, boys and then leading to the female side of my world.
Being trapped in my own past experiences has shaped my life to date. I was unaware of the fact that my experience of parenting via my adoptive parents and my rejection by my birth mother had left me sad, silent, full of rage.
This lack of awareness skewed my choice of wife and although taking 25 years to reach this awareness brought about an end to the marriage almost as if I had set it up on purpose. My anger and resentment towards my wife at the time was a silent third person in the marriage. I had to face the truth and end the relationship. I have acknowledged my role in the marriage to myself and have moved on. I cannot speak of her role as I don't know its truth.
My current relationship has been sorely tested by both of us challenging the projections and needs of the other. It is only since my Adventure weekend (MKP) that I have been able to truly stand in my own space and own my own actions and responses.
It is only now that I realise that as genders we need different things from our relationships with others.
With men; I do need to feel wanted, loved and appreciated for being who I am ; a man, I want to drink from the well of masculinity and feed from the soul of the male energy. To be the man I was born to be. I want to be called to account if I am dishonest, disingenuous, lacking in integrity and uncommitted. I want other men to ask? WHO ARE YOU?
With women; I do not want mother. I want to love and be loved and I want a partner in the true sense of the word. I want to know the female world from my partners side. I also want my partner and female friends to ask? WHO ARE YOU?
Only in loosing Mother and truly grieving for that loss and acknowledging that the world of men is different, can a man become his true self.
It may be that Mother is still alive and the challenge then is in breaking free from the family role that mum and dad put us in and at the time suited us to be in.
Going down into the dark side of ourselves and being able to acknowledge and accept our darkness is the way forward.
Meet it, eat it, wear it and then let it go.
Move froward as the man we can be.
My passion for mens work is on record and I wish I could become more involved in the process and yet at this moment my aspirations are stalled. I want to be part of a trans-formative movement which not only puts out intention but also action.
I love my connection with The Gathering of Men, a mens group in the Heanor area, and I want more.
We seem to be 'living' in a world which is 'ruled' by men but who seem unable to grasp their own true masculinity. They hide behind false walls and glass ceilings. They are weak, fearful and dishonest. They appear like slippery snakes and wisps of smoke; empty of strength and integrity.
Never has the world be more in need of the true man and equally the true woman. This partnership is beautiful and awesome. A world where the genders live in respect for each other and not in fear would be some thing to behold and enjoy.
Come on men.....where are your balls?
Being trapped in my own past experiences has shaped my life to date. I was unaware of the fact that my experience of parenting via my adoptive parents and my rejection by my birth mother had left me sad, silent, full of rage.
This lack of awareness skewed my choice of wife and although taking 25 years to reach this awareness brought about an end to the marriage almost as if I had set it up on purpose. My anger and resentment towards my wife at the time was a silent third person in the marriage. I had to face the truth and end the relationship. I have acknowledged my role in the marriage to myself and have moved on. I cannot speak of her role as I don't know its truth.
My current relationship has been sorely tested by both of us challenging the projections and needs of the other. It is only since my Adventure weekend (MKP) that I have been able to truly stand in my own space and own my own actions and responses.
It is only now that I realise that as genders we need different things from our relationships with others.
With men; I do need to feel wanted, loved and appreciated for being who I am ; a man, I want to drink from the well of masculinity and feed from the soul of the male energy. To be the man I was born to be. I want to be called to account if I am dishonest, disingenuous, lacking in integrity and uncommitted. I want other men to ask? WHO ARE YOU?
With women; I do not want mother. I want to love and be loved and I want a partner in the true sense of the word. I want to know the female world from my partners side. I also want my partner and female friends to ask? WHO ARE YOU?
Only in loosing Mother and truly grieving for that loss and acknowledging that the world of men is different, can a man become his true self.
It may be that Mother is still alive and the challenge then is in breaking free from the family role that mum and dad put us in and at the time suited us to be in.
Going down into the dark side of ourselves and being able to acknowledge and accept our darkness is the way forward.
Meet it, eat it, wear it and then let it go.
Move froward as the man we can be.
My passion for mens work is on record and I wish I could become more involved in the process and yet at this moment my aspirations are stalled. I want to be part of a trans-formative movement which not only puts out intention but also action.
I love my connection with The Gathering of Men, a mens group in the Heanor area, and I want more.
We seem to be 'living' in a world which is 'ruled' by men but who seem unable to grasp their own true masculinity. They hide behind false walls and glass ceilings. They are weak, fearful and dishonest. They appear like slippery snakes and wisps of smoke; empty of strength and integrity.
Never has the world be more in need of the true man and equally the true woman. This partnership is beautiful and awesome. A world where the genders live in respect for each other and not in fear would be some thing to behold and enjoy.
Come on men.....where are your balls?
Wednesday 29 January 2014
Wild man talking: Making space for Passion
Wild man talking: Making space for Passion: I am slowly on the mend from my achilles injury and am working part time doing my gardening work. Just had a very tiring and wet and smelly...
Making space for Passion
I am slowly on the mend from my achilles injury and am working part time doing my gardening work.
Just had a very tiring and wet and smelly day washing down a greenhouse with jeyes fluid. I am so surprised how my body is out of condition after 7 weeks off.
My gift(injury) has allowed me time to consider where I want to put my energies both at work and at home.
I have decided to reduce my gardening work to 4 days and leave Fridays free for my counselling work.
I feel good about opening up this space and waiting to see what appears to fill the space.
My passion for men's work is constant and my passion for my own process equally so.
Since my NWTA weekend with MKP uk I have wanted to further my self discovery and things seem to be making themselves available.
Passion.....phew. What a great feeling! I feel so excited about the work I want to do and I have now to find an outlet to carry it out.
When I was a younger man I feared people with passion because they seemed out of control and unmanaged.
I now realise that I have feared my own passions and the energy within. Not any more...I now want to embrace passion and share it with others.
Is it ok for a bloke to say that ?
Just had a very tiring and wet and smelly day washing down a greenhouse with jeyes fluid. I am so surprised how my body is out of condition after 7 weeks off.
My gift(injury) has allowed me time to consider where I want to put my energies both at work and at home.
I have decided to reduce my gardening work to 4 days and leave Fridays free for my counselling work.
I feel good about opening up this space and waiting to see what appears to fill the space.
My passion for men's work is constant and my passion for my own process equally so.
Since my NWTA weekend with MKP uk I have wanted to further my self discovery and things seem to be making themselves available.
Passion.....phew. What a great feeling! I feel so excited about the work I want to do and I have now to find an outlet to carry it out.
When I was a younger man I feared people with passion because they seemed out of control and unmanaged.
I now realise that I have feared my own passions and the energy within. Not any more...I now want to embrace passion and share it with others.
Is it ok for a bloke to say that ?
Wednesday 22 January 2014
Wild man talking: Why are we so angry?
Wild man talking: Why are we so angry?: I have been listening to the news over the last couple of days........Phew. Abusive relationships are on an increase and the laws to keep u...
Wild man talking: Why are we so angry?
Wild man talking: Why are we so angry?: I have been listening to the news over the last couple of days........Phew. Abusive relationships are on an increase and the laws to keep u...
Why are we so angry?
I have been listening to the news over the last couple of days........Phew.
Abusive relationships are on an increase and the laws to keep us safe are inadequate. Safeguards for children involved in abusive families are less robust than necessary.
Police seem reluctant, social workers under trained or under resourced and the BIG Society seems to have a blind spot.
The abuser seems to be able to continue with societal collusion.
So what is the underlying issue that can bring about an abusive relationship? What emotions and feelings of self esteem keep both the abuser and the abused in the relationship?
The over riding emotion is ANGER.....in fact RAGE is probably a better description.
But what does the Rage seek to hide? What is it that the abuser constantly has to battle against?
I suggest that a deep seated fear of who we believe we are is somewhere near the mark. We may have been told at an early age that we are not good enough, not worthy of the unconditional love every child has a right to receive.
Children are not born bad.
We, through parenting, help to cultivate the 'bad' child. Either with or without awareness.
Abusers can be of either gender.
Men make up the majority.
Male anger/ rage is a serious societal issue and 'things need to change'.
I work as a counselor with an interest in all things male. I want to engage with men at a heart and soul level to work to ease that rage. We as men have a responsibility to change this aspect of ourselves. The women in our lives deserve better as do the children.
How do we do this?
Where do we do this?
Watch this space
Abusive relationships are on an increase and the laws to keep us safe are inadequate. Safeguards for children involved in abusive families are less robust than necessary.
Police seem reluctant, social workers under trained or under resourced and the BIG Society seems to have a blind spot.
The abuser seems to be able to continue with societal collusion.
So what is the underlying issue that can bring about an abusive relationship? What emotions and feelings of self esteem keep both the abuser and the abused in the relationship?
The over riding emotion is ANGER.....in fact RAGE is probably a better description.
But what does the Rage seek to hide? What is it that the abuser constantly has to battle against?
I suggest that a deep seated fear of who we believe we are is somewhere near the mark. We may have been told at an early age that we are not good enough, not worthy of the unconditional love every child has a right to receive.
Children are not born bad.
We, through parenting, help to cultivate the 'bad' child. Either with or without awareness.
Abusers can be of either gender.
Men make up the majority.
Male anger/ rage is a serious societal issue and 'things need to change'.
I work as a counselor with an interest in all things male. I want to engage with men at a heart and soul level to work to ease that rage. We as men have a responsibility to change this aspect of ourselves. The women in our lives deserve better as do the children.
How do we do this?
Where do we do this?
Watch this space
Monday 13 January 2014
What happens to Anger?
Hey this anger stuff is very sneaky. I have been angry all my life.....since being in the womb. I knew somehow even in the womb that I was to be given up for adoption and so even for the first 6 weeks of my live with my mum I sensed that the unconditional love would not last.
My adoptive parents got a very angry little baby boy who's mission in life was to control everything.....toileting, feeding, dressing. My way of control was what I now know as Passive/Aggressive. I was both compliant, stubborn, rude, contrary, sneaky, untruthful.
All my life at home was this way and I know realise that no matter what my parents did it would never be enough.
This way of being continued for the rest of my adult life up until my New Warrior weekend.
When I became angry, it wasn't simply about the hear and now but weighed down with 56years of baby rage. WHEW
Anger expressed as an adult about a current issue is such a healthy way to be. It is expressed, owned and then let go.
Anger from years of rage is disruptive, corruptive and as I now acknowledge....abusive. It can sneak out in many ways which are unhelpful and harmful to those around, usually the ones we love.
As men we owe it to ourselves to own our anger and to work towards healing the wounds which have led to that anger as best we can.
There are some amazing therapies out there both talking and body work therapies which if allowed will help the process of recovery.
Men, we owe it to ourselves and to the world to heal these wounds.
My adoptive parents got a very angry little baby boy who's mission in life was to control everything.....toileting, feeding, dressing. My way of control was what I now know as Passive/Aggressive. I was both compliant, stubborn, rude, contrary, sneaky, untruthful.
All my life at home was this way and I know realise that no matter what my parents did it would never be enough.
This way of being continued for the rest of my adult life up until my New Warrior weekend.
When I became angry, it wasn't simply about the hear and now but weighed down with 56years of baby rage. WHEW
Anger expressed as an adult about a current issue is such a healthy way to be. It is expressed, owned and then let go.
Anger from years of rage is disruptive, corruptive and as I now acknowledge....abusive. It can sneak out in many ways which are unhelpful and harmful to those around, usually the ones we love.
As men we owe it to ourselves to own our anger and to work towards healing the wounds which have led to that anger as best we can.
There are some amazing therapies out there both talking and body work therapies which if allowed will help the process of recovery.
Men, we owe it to ourselves and to the world to heal these wounds.
Tuesday 7 January 2014
Wild man talking: The ups and downs of self employment
Wild man talking: The ups and downs of self employment: Hey up. During my Adventure weekend I partially ruptured my achilles.......painful and dis-abling. I have been unable to work since and my ...
The ups and downs of self employment
Hey up.
During my Adventure weekend I partially ruptured my achilles.......painful and dis-abling. I have been unable to work since and my physio says maybe not until February.
I am self-employed and so I have no income from my side coming into the household.
I have no insurance for accident or illness as the cost is too high and so I have had to throw myself onto the state for support.
I am entitled to employment support allowance and have had a 40 minute phone interview and filled in the subsequent forms. I am entitled to £92.20 per week.
I am truly grateful for the £92.20 per week but in no way does this touch the outgoings of the house.
So my message for today is..........try to afford the critical illness/ accident cover as a self-employed person or put some other fall back in place.
It is at times like this when I wish I were employed as there are so many 'perks' to employment.
Holiday pay, sick pay, maternity/paternity pay/leave. Bank holiday payments, double time/overtime.
As a man I find this issue a real challenge. Unable to work yet wanting to do so. Not able to support the house financially. Not meeting my own needs to be productive. Having to ask for help.....PHEW!
I offer this to the younger men and women........don't abuse your bodies and minds with stress and over work in your early years as you may find that the rewards are somewhat different to those you imagined.
Take care of yourselves both physically and mentally and emotionally.
During my Adventure weekend I partially ruptured my achilles.......painful and dis-abling. I have been unable to work since and my physio says maybe not until February.
I am self-employed and so I have no income from my side coming into the household.
I have no insurance for accident or illness as the cost is too high and so I have had to throw myself onto the state for support.
I am entitled to employment support allowance and have had a 40 minute phone interview and filled in the subsequent forms. I am entitled to £92.20 per week.
I am truly grateful for the £92.20 per week but in no way does this touch the outgoings of the house.
So my message for today is..........try to afford the critical illness/ accident cover as a self-employed person or put some other fall back in place.
It is at times like this when I wish I were employed as there are so many 'perks' to employment.
Holiday pay, sick pay, maternity/paternity pay/leave. Bank holiday payments, double time/overtime.
As a man I find this issue a real challenge. Unable to work yet wanting to do so. Not able to support the house financially. Not meeting my own needs to be productive. Having to ask for help.....PHEW!
I offer this to the younger men and women........don't abuse your bodies and minds with stress and over work in your early years as you may find that the rewards are somewhat different to those you imagined.
Take care of yourselves both physically and mentally and emotionally.
Monday 6 January 2014
Wild man talking: New warrior home from adventure
Wild man talking: New warrior home from adventure: I have recently had a fantastic adventure. My goodness how the experience had changed my view and how I am in the world. I feel like my in...
Wild man talking: walk in the woods
Wild man talking: walk in the woods: I have just had a great walk/ hobble in Grindleford woods. Ruptured my Achilles a while back so a bit dis-abled. Met up with a fellow warri...
Sunday 5 January 2014
walk in the woods
I have just had a great walk/ hobble in Grindleford woods. Ruptured my Achilles a while back so a bit dis-abled.
Met up with a fellow warrior from the adventure. Great to hook up and share how our lives are post Adventure.
Only now am I enjoying truly getting to know male friends. Its like all the competitive edges have dropped away after a shared experience.
Why is that we men find true friendship a challenge?
I am lucky to count many men as good,close friends whom I feel able to trust with aspects of me that I have only just come to accept for myself.
I have the great fortune to meet with a group of men on a fortnightly basis. We talk, share, laugh, drink tea, fart and generally be ourselves.
I need this energy to help my emotional and mental health. The energy is like nourishment for my soul.
Met up with a fellow warrior from the adventure. Great to hook up and share how our lives are post Adventure.
Only now am I enjoying truly getting to know male friends. Its like all the competitive edges have dropped away after a shared experience.
Why is that we men find true friendship a challenge?
I am lucky to count many men as good,close friends whom I feel able to trust with aspects of me that I have only just come to accept for myself.
I have the great fortune to meet with a group of men on a fortnightly basis. We talk, share, laugh, drink tea, fart and generally be ourselves.
I need this energy to help my emotional and mental health. The energy is like nourishment for my soul.
Saturday 4 January 2014
New warrior home from adventure
I have recently had a fantastic adventure. My goodness how the experience had changed my view and how I am in the world.
I feel like my internal landscape has changed.
The baby rage that I have felt all my life is now a spent force. The rage has dominated my life and affected my relating with everyone. Toxic shame is the underpinning force behind the rage.
Wow how good I feel to be able to say it, own it and not feel contaminated by it.
I have been privileged to be among 60 men at a Mankind Project New Warrior Adventure weekend. To be in such a beautifully supportive group of men was a magical moment.
I have been curious for a long time as to why men find groups of men a challenge and now I know.
YOU ARE SEEN. How scary is that?
I have just started this blog and am not sure who will read it and why.
Maybe no-one!!!!
I will try to post regularly and probably for 12 months
I feel like my internal landscape has changed.
The baby rage that I have felt all my life is now a spent force. The rage has dominated my life and affected my relating with everyone. Toxic shame is the underpinning force behind the rage.
Wow how good I feel to be able to say it, own it and not feel contaminated by it.
I have been privileged to be among 60 men at a Mankind Project New Warrior Adventure weekend. To be in such a beautifully supportive group of men was a magical moment.
I have been curious for a long time as to why men find groups of men a challenge and now I know.
YOU ARE SEEN. How scary is that?
I have just started this blog and am not sure who will read it and why.
Maybe no-one!!!!
I will try to post regularly and probably for 12 months
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