I have come to a really important realisation.........who are we if we don't get affirmation from family and friends?
Due to my history I have no-one alive in my family who knows me. All my relatives are dead and the older family friends are also no longer here. So I have no long term shared history to place me in the world historically.
A pat on the back is a validation that we are ok. It gives us a sense of who we are and where we fit.
I have decided to have a ceremony at some point this year which will be to forgive my birth mum for giving me up for adoption, to celebrate the joy of being born, and to have an older male to give me the pat on the back for being who I am.
Unconditional positive regard also known as LOVE is so important to us all. It tells us that we are ok and not the bad guy we think we are. We are LOVEABLE.
The emotional work that I am doing with mens groups and MKP is helping me to feel grounded and fully present in the world. I feel that mens recognition of who I am is vitally important to me. I may not know my Birth Father and may never know him but if other men hold me in their hearts then that may be enough.
I feel blessed to know and have men in my life who have good loving hearts.
The world is a better place for these men.