Monday, 23 November 2015

Wild man talking: International Men's Day.....You are having a laugh...

Wild man talking: International Men's Day.....You are having a laugh...: I wonder what it will take for men to take their emotional and psychological health seriously?      Myself and two other men created a spa...

International Men's Day.....You are having a laugh

I wonder what it will take for men to take their emotional and psychological health seriously?

     Myself and two other men created a space for men to engage with themselves and other men. We advertised, talked with men in the street and waited for men to come. Sadly men did not feel able to come for a myriad of reasons I am sure and on top of that my own projections.

    I am disappointed, a little angry and saddened at a missed opportunity. 

   I have been in my own process for 15 years and know that only when we are ready will we seek out our own inner wisdom and peace and even then only when our courage is available.

   Is it that we, as men, dismiss our own value to ourselves and the greater good? 

  Are we so regulated by societal expectations that it is hard to see around the edges?

Patriarchy stultifies both genders.

  What disaster would it take for men to fully step into their hearts and actively seek support and community either with other men or with both genders?

  I firmly believe that that time is now before we sleep walk into our demise. 

Men. I am here and available, as are many men in our community, to support, inform, listen and love you all for who you are.

What is the risk?

What is the cost to stay in a painful, lonely place?

You are not alone and never have been even if you believe your own story. 

Be proud to be a man and be proud to be who you are....not from a place of arrogance and ego but simply from your heart. This world needs you to share your love, your passion and your belief in a more compassionate world.

I dare you

Sunday, 8 February 2015


My partners step dad died between christmas and new year. I have been supporting both my partner, her son and her mum with financial sorting, practical and emotional support. I have been aware of a tightening within myself.....a feeling of keeping something at arms length until the time is right. There has been a necessary practically reality to this postponement and now is my time.
For me, my tightening is about not wanting to collapse into grief when I have life to get on with and this balancing is difficult. My body is tired from the strain, my heart is slowly hardening to hold the goo within, my head is working overtime to find reasons not to 'give in'.
Tears are not so far away yet I am hanging on. I don't feel supported to allow my grief to manifest fully. I am waiting for my next igroup and gathering to open my heart to my warrior brothers. I know that I can be all of me with these men.
I have worked hard on trusting men with me and I now feel an assuredness with these particular men. Historically I have always mistrusted men and leant towards women for my support. Yet I now feel that the true difference between the genders has become more obvious for me. How can I expect a woman to 'get' me when she is not programmed to be a man? I offer this not as a criticism merely as a truth for me.
Yet what I am finding is that as I show my vulnerability to other men and feel a sense of shared experience then trust becomes true. I can open my heart and reveal all the shadowy aspects of me that before even I didn't want to acknowledge.
Grief looms large in many men's picture. Many losses which go unacknowledged and 'buried' (no irony there then).
We loose our place in the womb, we grow away or are pushed from the breast. Our Fathers may well ensure that we are separated from mother as an aspect of growing up into adulthood. We may well loose our connection to our emotions and thus ourselves.
Grief is a very important aspect of any therapeutic work with men and one which can be the easiest to see but the hardest to access.
Big boys don't many times do we hear that in our lives.
It is time to change that instruction.