Monday, 23 November 2015

Wild man talking: International Men's Day.....You are having a laugh...

Wild man talking: International Men's Day.....You are having a laugh...: I wonder what it will take for men to take their emotional and psychological health seriously?      Myself and two other men created a spa...

International Men's Day.....You are having a laugh

I wonder what it will take for men to take their emotional and psychological health seriously?

     Myself and two other men created a space for men to engage with themselves and other men. We advertised, talked with men in the street and waited for men to come. Sadly men did not feel able to come for a myriad of reasons I am sure and on top of that my own projections.

    I am disappointed, a little angry and saddened at a missed opportunity. 

   I have been in my own process for 15 years and know that only when we are ready will we seek out our own inner wisdom and peace and even then only when our courage is available.

   Is it that we, as men, dismiss our own value to ourselves and the greater good? 

  Are we so regulated by societal expectations that it is hard to see around the edges?

Patriarchy stultifies both genders.

  What disaster would it take for men to fully step into their hearts and actively seek support and community either with other men or with both genders?

  I firmly believe that that time is now before we sleep walk into our demise. 

Men. I am here and available, as are many men in our community, to support, inform, listen and love you all for who you are.

What is the risk?

What is the cost to stay in a painful, lonely place?

You are not alone and never have been even if you believe your own story. 

Be proud to be a man and be proud to be who you are....not from a place of arrogance and ego but simply from your heart. This world needs you to share your love, your passion and your belief in a more compassionate world.

I dare you

Sunday, 8 February 2015


My partners step dad died between christmas and new year. I have been supporting both my partner, her son and her mum with financial sorting, practical and emotional support. I have been aware of a tightening within myself.....a feeling of keeping something at arms length until the time is right. There has been a necessary practically reality to this postponement and now is my time.
For me, my tightening is about not wanting to collapse into grief when I have life to get on with and this balancing is difficult. My body is tired from the strain, my heart is slowly hardening to hold the goo within, my head is working overtime to find reasons not to 'give in'.
Tears are not so far away yet I am hanging on. I don't feel supported to allow my grief to manifest fully. I am waiting for my next igroup and gathering to open my heart to my warrior brothers. I know that I can be all of me with these men.
I have worked hard on trusting men with me and I now feel an assuredness with these particular men. Historically I have always mistrusted men and leant towards women for my support. Yet I now feel that the true difference between the genders has become more obvious for me. How can I expect a woman to 'get' me when she is not programmed to be a man? I offer this not as a criticism merely as a truth for me.
Yet what I am finding is that as I show my vulnerability to other men and feel a sense of shared experience then trust becomes true. I can open my heart and reveal all the shadowy aspects of me that before even I didn't want to acknowledge.
Grief looms large in many men's picture. Many losses which go unacknowledged and 'buried' (no irony there then).
We loose our place in the womb, we grow away or are pushed from the breast. Our Fathers may well ensure that we are separated from mother as an aspect of growing up into adulthood. We may well loose our connection to our emotions and thus ourselves.
Grief is a very important aspect of any therapeutic work with men and one which can be the easiest to see but the hardest to access.
Big boys don't many times do we hear that in our lives.
It is time to change that instruction.

Friday, 5 December 2014

So what are we fearful of?

Oh my goodness! The world is such a scary place.
There are monsters around every corner.
Oh no they are just in my mind. Am I going mad?
Why are we so scared of getting on with our lives? Why do we let every one of our actions be guided by what others may think?
I have an internal dialogue going on constantly when I forget who I am.
I am amazing.
And yet my experiences in child hood would refute that truth.
The conditioning we receive as children stands us in good stead for the rest of our lives.
That is not true.
We have the potential to rewrite our life scripts. We can become who we truly are.
The question is DARE WE TAKE THAT RISK?
If we are able to relax down into our bodies and feel the truly amazing things that go on within the body then we can get to know ourselves.
Whilst we stay in our minds and intellectualise everything we do, we will never know ourselves.
Our minds will not allow this to happen easily. Our mind will fight to keep control. It is an amazing piece of kit but it is not who we are.
Our bodies function in the NOW and by staying in our bodies we can also be NOW.
Our mind wants us to use future predictions to manage us. We can't do this because ......will happen.
If we stay in the now and our friends family are there as well then a truly honest transaction will occur.
It is what it is.
Of course I am completely in the now? No I am not however I aspire to be so. And by being conscious of that aspiration I can stay more present more often.
I have just returned from staffing the NWTA with the Mankind Project UK.
I attended my warrior training last year and found a fundamental shift in my way of being and so as a staff man I wanted to facilitate that for other men. WOW not only did I experience the growth in the men on training but also the process brought me gifts of growth.
There were 40 staff men on the weekend with varying degrees of experience and ages. Although this is not a therapeutic experience per se, it does bring up emotional stuff to work with.
I found the gathering of men so supportive and emotionally connecting. I felt cared for and challenged to be all of me.....authentic and aware. And over the course of the 4 days I found a deep sense of acceptance from the men and not only that but I found through this the capacity to accept myself.
I became aware that I like who I am and can be all of me and it's ok. In fact better than ok.
This is a massive shift for me. I feel more grounded and able to walk my space and feel very present.
I would recommend the Mankind Project to any man who feels disconnected with himself. The experience can be life changing.

Saturday, 11 October 2014

Mental Health

The subject of Mental Health is massive. We have thousands of our people walking the streets with varying degrees of need for help.
How as a society do we see people with a mental health issue?
I don't believe the stigma is as it was but it still holds fear for many people.
As a nation we loose many hours of working productivity to mental health issues.
We have many deaths due to mental health related issues; suicide, murder, abuse, rape, alcoholism. All addictions can have a basis in mental health.
It feels as if there is something preventing both the will to provide and meet the demand, and the necessary funding to provide the service.
I suppose in this capitalistic society we have at present.......each of us is supposed to meet our own needs.
For me this is outdated.
Our society is so divided between have and have nots.
The have can afford private therapy.
The have nots can only have what the NHS is able or chooses to provide.
We also do not need NICE to tell us what is good for us. One size of therapy does not fit all.
Why do we think this is OK?

I have a degree in Humanisitc Counselling and I have trained in voluntary placements as part of my qualifications. I have a very small private practice which doesn't provide me with sufficient income to meet my families needs which means that I also work as a professional gardener to provide the main financial support.
I want to have more clients and do more work in service to my community. I don't want to be rich, I want to earn enough to meet my families needs.
I would love to be part of a community of counsellors and allied therapists who want to serve the human not take from it.
I loved the speech to the UN by Emma Watson. True gender equality is a need not a luxury and possibly allied to this is the way to engage people in taking care of their mental health.
At present many men are reliant on their partners to tell them when they need help. We need both genders to meet each other in a wholly adult way. Support and cherish each other and truly hear each other.

Monday, 29 September 2014

Shifting an old blockage and recognising its previous usefulness.

    I work as a Professional horticulturist or Gardener to you and me. This summer has been a hard one in terms of work load. I have never been one to shirk work and always give the best of me and often too much of me.
    I have come to realise that , in the process of working hard, I loose myself in the doing and forget to connect to myself on a spiritual dimension. Forgetting to nurture myself and therefore , over time, depleting my spiritual batteries.
    And so what can happen is that I do. Not I am. And in that my family relationships suffer the loss of me.
I realise that this is the modern work life balance issue. Somehow out of awareness I have through financial necessity got lost in the doing work.
    I visited my Homeopath a couple of weeks ago to get a check up and see about getting back in balance and curiously after one of the remedies my body simply refused to move. I ached from head to toe and I had no inclination to move and spent 2 days in bed. On the third day I feel tired but the symptoms as much less and spiritually I feel much lifted. It feels as though an old pattern of behaviour has been moved or unblocked.
Almost as if my White Knight has taken his armour off and is in the process of retirement.

   Who am I trying to prove myself to?
  I know this is my personal journey but I do wonder how many other men are in the same sort of pattern. How can these patterns be brought into their awareness? Who is out there to show the way?

Thursday, 28 August 2014

Wild man talking: Out of our heads

Wild man talking: Out of our heads:     I have been Facebooking for while now and have drawn some interesting conclusions.....mine and not yours. But if you share them then say...