I have been re-reading IRON JOHN by Robert Bly; refreshing my feelings about fathers, men, boys and then leading to the female side of my world.
Being trapped in my own past experiences has shaped my life to date. I was unaware of the fact that my experience of parenting via my adoptive parents and my rejection by my birth mother had left me sad, silent, full of rage.
This lack of awareness skewed my choice of wife and although taking 25 years to reach this awareness brought about an end to the marriage almost as if I had set it up on purpose. My anger and resentment towards my wife at the time was a silent third person in the marriage. I had to face the truth and end the relationship. I have acknowledged my role in the marriage to myself and have moved on. I cannot speak of her role as I don't know its truth.
My current relationship has been sorely tested by both of us challenging the projections and needs of the other. It is only since my Adventure weekend (MKP) that I have been able to truly stand in my own space and own my own actions and responses.
It is only now that I realise that as genders we need different things from our relationships with others.
With men; I do need to feel wanted, loved and appreciated for being who I am ; a man, I want to drink from the well of masculinity and feed from the soul of the male energy. To be the man I was born to be. I want to be called to account if I am dishonest, disingenuous, lacking in integrity and uncommitted. I want other men to ask? WHO ARE YOU?
With women; I do not want mother. I want to love and be loved and I want a partner in the true sense of the word. I want to know the female world from my partners side. I also want my partner and female friends to ask? WHO ARE YOU?
Only in loosing Mother and truly grieving for that loss and acknowledging that the world of men is different, can a man become his true self.
It may be that Mother is still alive and the challenge then is in breaking free from the family role that mum and dad put us in and at the time suited us to be in.
Going down into the dark side of ourselves and being able to acknowledge and accept our darkness is the way forward.
Meet it, eat it, wear it and then let it go.
Move froward as the man we can be.
My passion for mens work is on record and I wish I could become more involved in the process and yet at this moment my aspirations are stalled. I want to be part of a trans-formative movement which not only puts out intention but also action.
I love my connection with The Gathering of Men, a mens group in the Heanor area, and I want more.
We seem to be 'living' in a world which is 'ruled' by men but who seem unable to grasp their own true masculinity. They hide behind false walls and glass ceilings. They are weak, fearful and dishonest. They appear like slippery snakes and wisps of smoke; empty of strength and integrity.
Never has the world be more in need of the true man and equally the true woman. This partnership is beautiful and awesome. A world where the genders live in respect for each other and not in fear would be some thing to behold and enjoy.
Come on men.....where are your balls?