Shifting an old blockage and recognising its previous usefulness.

    I work as a Professional horticulturist or Gardener to you and me. This summer has been a hard one in terms of work load. I have never been one to shirk work and always give the best of me and often too much of me.
    I have come to realise that , in the process of working hard, I loose myself in the doing and forget to connect to myself on a spiritual dimension. Forgetting to nurture myself and therefore , over time, depleting my spiritual batteries.
    And so what can happen is that I do. Not I am. And in that my family relationships suffer the loss of me.
I realise that this is the modern work life balance issue. Somehow out of awareness I have through financial necessity got lost in the doing work.
    I visited my Homeopath a couple of weeks ago to get a check up and see about getting back in balance and curiously after one of the remedies my body simply refused to move. I ached from head to toe and I had no inclination to move and spent 2 days in bed. On the third day I feel tired but the symptoms as much less and spiritually I feel much lifted. It feels as though an old pattern of behaviour has been moved or unblocked.
Almost as if my White Knight has taken his armour off and is in the process of retirement.

   Who am I trying to prove myself to?
  I know this is my personal journey but I do wonder how many other men are in the same sort of pattern. How can these patterns be brought into their awareness? Who is out there to show the way?

Wild man talking: Out of our heads

Wild man talking: Out of our heads:     I have been Facebooking for while now and have drawn some interesting conclusions.....mine and not yours. But if you share them then say...

Out of our heads

    I have been Facebooking for while now and have drawn some interesting conclusions.....mine and not yours. But if you share them then say so.
  When I read some political or financial postings, there is usually postings about the rights and wrongs of what is stated. Sometimes quite powerful positions are taken.  And yet when something spiritual is posted there may be the odd comment or two.
     It feels to me that when issues arise that focus the mind and present logical or illogical argument  then that is when the human and it seems mainly men become animated and enthused.
    I feel that this is a great place to air our views and could be a great place for a groundswell of opposition to what we feel are injustices. Where does the energy of opposition go? Simply exorcised in the written word? Is that enough or an avoidance? A safe place to speak yet not act.
  Yet for me facebook seems a very heady place. Heart and soul work seems to have little place in  this medium.
   Where do we express our inner world? Is it safer to have a heady opinion and keep our vulnerabilities to more intimate one-to-one contact?
    Yet the whole purpose of facebook is seemingly to replace intimacy. We are no longer truly connected.
I guess facebook is a place to arrange meet ups but do they happen.
     Staying connected is great but not at the expense of true connection.

Wild man talking: connecting to our amazing self

Wild man talking: connecting to our amazing self:           I am still trying to come to terms with the death of Robin Williams. I cant believe that he is dead. He seems to have been part of...

connecting to our amazing self

          I am still trying to come to terms with the death of Robin Williams. I cant believe that he is dead. He seems to have been part of my life for ever. I have always looked forward to his next brilliant piece of work.
       I find myself feeling tearful and a little lost. It feels like a part of me is lost with him. This man touched my life with his crazy, vulnerability. He was able to show all of himself to the world without the world realising it. He was a true great. I guess this is part of the human condition......when we show ourselves and our amazing capabilities we also seem to share our vulnerable side as well.
    You know what? Why can't a man be both amazing and vulnerable? We can't be the white knight for all our lives, can we? And yet in showing my vulnerabilities I end up feeling too exposed and uncertain what others may think of me.
     Sometimes I feel so amazing and capable of absolutely anything and for those moments I feel so whole and more than. When I see others in their moments I feel so connected. We humans are so fantastic, amazing, full of gold. We need to shine more often. Let us be all that we can be......we owe it to ourselves and the rest of humanity.

Holding men to account

       Whoa......this is a biggy. During my trainings  I learnt how to hold myself to account for any broken agreements either with other men or with myself.
      This has been more challenging than I first felt. Not only do I have to consider what I am prepared to commit to doing but I also have to not simply apologise if I fail to keep my agreement but I also have to speak about what I found more important than honouring my agreement. This keeps commitment and agreement not only real but very live. Also the challenge is not to hide from agreements but to throw myself into them and stretch myself with accountability issues where relevant.
      When I am with my male friends within the mens circles I feel so connected and also very challenged.....almost as if they can see into my soul and my darkest corners. And yet all my darkness and vulnerabilities are welcome within the circle. Once men have this way of being then trust becomes less of a problem.
     I feel this way of being helps to keep me honest and in integrity. Maybe if we could be like this as people of the world there would be less 'problems' as all responsibilities would be taken for any actions.
   I now bring that way of being into my life fully and it has improved all my relationships especially with my partner and her two sons.......Much more healthy.
   

Mature masculine archetypes

I have just returned from a 'guts' workshop; working with the masculine archetypes. Diving down deep into my own psyche swimming around and finding much work to do.

I camped overnight outside Bradford on Avon. What a beautiful town and countryside. History lives well in this area. Ancestral energies abound. The camping was enjoyable being among nature in all its forms. I had the joys of snorers, farters and sleep talkers and shouters.......oh the joys of the human condition!
However waking with the birds on a beautiful day set me up for the work I needed to do.

The workshop was part of the work MKP uk offer. A chance for men to get a sense of who they are and how they would like to be in the world. How to work towards a more mature masculine way of being. this work is valuable to the whole community and I would recommend it to anyone who is impacted by immature aspects of masculinity.

I am feeling calm, tired, thoughtful and an inner sense of joy, sadness and willingness to integrate the work I have done.

I also met with some men who are all on their own journey and we shared  our stories, our vulnerabilities and our humanity. What a joy